I’m BEING FORCED?!!!!!
Sep 30, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4lPDfIZNG0

hey you guys welcome back to my channel
and welcome to Sunday what a beautiful
day it has been although the weather has
been nasty so if you like rainy weather
it's been a beautiful day for me it's
more of just been a beautiful day
because it's nice and cool and yeah
you're not busting sweat but anyways I
have been little Loki the last couple of
days the flu not the flu but the cold
bug kind of hit the Ramadan house and
Mama kind of came down with it I just
haven't felt 100% but I'm feeling better
today my throat's a little sore but
other than that I haven't been sneezing
so let's try not to sneeze on the camera
that would be wonderful but anyways so
today is a little bit more of a serious
video that I'm gonna make and you know I
it was brought to my attention yesterday
I want to say one of the the comments
that I was reading this said is this
gonna turn is this channel going to turn
into a sit down just talk in front of
the camera and sit in your car and
talked vlogs and the answer to that is
no it's not um I think that in time
there are situations where I kind of do
go through like phases where I do more
sit-down videos versus I guess who'd say
like up in the stores and things like
that I haven't been really filling it
the whole shopping thing we've had a lot
of crime going on that is circling
around stores here in my my area and to
be quite frank I have been dealing with
a lot of my anxiety going out into
public so it's not been something where
it's a fun outing it's more of a get
your stuff and go back home type of
audience because it's just been pretty
bad we
just had a shooting in a store you know
a couple weeks ago there it's just it's
gotten pretty bad over in this area and
we're not used to that we normally have
had quiet quiet days and quiet nights
but lately the crime has hit Salem
Oregon harder and it's becoming more
frequent that it's almost terrifying to
even think for two seconds that hey we
can go out to a store and be 100% safe
and yes I can say going back in two
years ago I guess it could be anytime
but I think it's become more of a common
a common thing for people to encounter
crime when they're out and especially
was me being by myself with their three
kids it's just more I'm more scared and
so I haven't been going out as much as I
had been in the past just because of
those situations right there so I just
kind of wanted to touch base on that and
let you guys know that no it's not that
this is like the sole thing that I'm
going to be doing but this is definitely
something right now that I have chosen
to do because of going through my
anxiety and just trying to keep my baby
safe and keep myself safe and you know
it's a lot different now that even now
where I used to go out and Ollie was
with us and now he's 9 and he's not even
you know available to just drop and come
if something happen so for me again it's
the whole safety aspect and so yes I
just wanted to touch base there and
explain that but that's not what my
video is going to be about today today
it's gonna be about something else that
I have heard I have heard multiple times
on some channels from viewers in
comments and different things like that
regarding my choice of religion and
I've made a video in past times about my
current are my my conversion to Islam
and what led me to slam and you know
things like that it was early on when I
started my channel because it was
something that stuck out people
obviously see me wearing my hijab and
you know there was definitely a lot of
questions raised especially because you
don't see many I'm not gonna say that
there's none but there's not very many
Islamic women that put themselves out
there on camera and live a life of
freely
you know like freely living her life and
sharing her life not because I'm wrong
or because they're wrong you just don't
see it as often and so I think was me I
stuck out pretty quickly and it raised a
lot of questions and I've said from the
get-go and I will always say I want
people to question I want people to ask
I would rather somebody ask me then
assume that they think they know what is
going on or why I'm doing this or why
this is happening and I would rather
people ask so that it gives me a chance
to explain what the truth is rather than
somebody you know accusing or some you
know assuming and then throwing those
assumptions out there and then it
becoming a huge log of just messes so I
figured that it's been a while since I
made a video about this and I thought
you know today would be a great day to
touch base because again I've heard a
lot of comments lately a lot of things
being brought up and I think that it's
just something that to talk about touch
base with and answers some questions
that I know that I've heard in you know
in things so anyways so I'm gonna start
kind of back and I'll work my way kind
of up
so in 2009 is when I met my husband
ollie which most of you guys know him if
you're new to my channel you may have
not had the pleasure yet of meeting him
he is an amazing man he is awesome he is
God sent to me and I could not be more
grateful that we were brought together
almost 10 years ago and you know when we
became a couple he was in Egypt and I
was here in the US so I really did not
know what Islam was I didn't even I
didn't know that it even existed in fact
I thought when like on movies and things
when you see the Islamic people praying
I thought that was an Indian thing I
honestly had no clue what that was and
in fact I was very rude about it at that
time you know I said very rude comments
about it I was I was not educated
whatsoever when it came to religion I
would have been raised Christian all my
life I'm not gonna say that I haven't
raised Christian I have been crazed in
the you know okay so here's here's kind
of how I feel about Christianity
and me being raised Christian I I feel
like I have the right to say that I've
got you know family that are you know
pastors and things like that but I think
Christianity is kind of ran by the way
that each individual believes it should
be ran so when I say that they have the
common they have the common thought they
know that in their religion you know
there's God there's Jesus Jesus died
God's Son Jesus died for the sins of
everyone and therefore that's why you
know life was given to people in order
to have a choice
to you know be able to go to heaven or
hell okay I'm just giving a
about I'm not going all into not going
into a preaching session so I believe
the and this is because I have been
raised by multiple families that have
all you know been Christians every
family that I lived with that were
Christians all had their own flay up
philosophy to the christianity lifestyle
i believe that every person on this
earth is not perfect we all make
mistakes we all do things that we
shouldn't do we all do things that we
should do however I believe going back
and thinking about the things that
inquiry incurred while I was in care of
different family members each family had
their own philosophy to the Christianity
that they believed in therefore I feel
like Christianity is put together by
hundreds and thousands and thousands and
billions of people and each individual
has their own philosophy to how that how
the religion plays out or each family or
you know what I'm saying like each
person has their philosophy does that
make somebody wrong absolutely not
I don't believe that there is any one
given right for anybody to say well
Christianity's wrong Islam is wrong you
know Catholic is wrong you know I mean I
could go on and say all the religions
but each individual that believes in the
religion that they've chosen to believe
in I believe wholeheartedly that they
believe that religion is the right
religion how they are interpreting it
and how they choose to live that
religion out is their choice so for me
being raised Christian you know I had
multiple different bring ups with
Christian Christianity some believe that
you know gays you would burn in hell and
then others I was raised with
believing that gays were accepted
because God loves everybody
I was raised with believing if you
proclaim Jesus as your Lord and Savior
and you ask him into your heart you're
gonna go to heaven you just need to do
some good deeds and keep your life right
on Oh straight narrow you know what I'm
saying like every family I lived with
had a different philosophy for where
Christianity landed so as I grew up I
just followed along with everything my
family's each family was believing at
that time so whatever that family that I
was with believed in I just went along
with that I never had a whole I never
ever ever ever had a choice to truly
believe how I wanted to believe because
that belief was pretty much made up for
me to just follow along with so I never
stepped outside the box
I never was curious I never thought of
different religions I never thought that
Christianity could be you know not one
certain thing I believed that there was
multiple stories to Christianity
personally you know being raised and
growing up I don't remember ever like
having a a sit-down relationship with
the Bible I couldn't tell you if I
really know much about the Bible
other than the story that the kids
stories you know and that's just because
I think everybody knows the kids stories
of like Adam and Eve and you know Noah
Ark and you know things like that I
think those are common stories that I
think everybody in this world is heard
but to really dive deep into the Bible
and to really really really really have
a core knowledge of the Bible no I never
have and I never I never have sat down
and read the Bible like that and I I
can't say that my
family members didn't however I didn't
see them reading the Bible again this is
not a bash session for the people that
raised me I think that each like I said
every individual has the right to the
way that they believe Christianity is
going to play out how you're gonna get
to heaven how you're gonna end up in
hell how you're gonna die how you're
gonna live I mean I think everybody has
that god-given right because I do
believe there is a heaven and I do
believe there is a hell I believe
there's a god and I believe that there's
a devil I do believe in those things I
do that's the core of all religion I
believe other than like atheist but I
mean I do believe that there is heaven
and there is hell however I think that
this is where I kind of got caught up is
never having the sole knowledge of
wanting to search these things for
myself to how you end up in heaven how
do you end up in hell how can you you
know be a stronger person in the
religion you choose to be and and things
like that because it just wasn't ever
really practice it practiced wherever I
lived you know I was raised on you know
Sunday morning you get up you go to
church you listen to the sermon after
church you talk for a few minutes with
people out you know inside the church
and then you go home you live your life
for the rest of the week you clean you
cook you your life goes on and you know
your life waits until either Wednesday
night for Wednesday church or you wait
until the next following Sunday and it's
a repeat all over again I really don't
remember much conversation outside of
church that was about the Christian
religion I don't honestly think I ever
remember really having like Bible
studies outside of the church setting or
even you know Christian conversation
outside of church setting it was always
round around sunday sunday sunday sunday
so that was the day that I knew was the
holy day of the week was Sunday you get
up you be
you go to church you do your thing and
so it was repetitious for me it was just
well that's what it's expected it wasn't
a choice in the matter it was you just
get up and you just do as the family's
doing because everybody's doing it so as
I grew up and moved out on my own and
got with Olli and he was explaining that
he was you know his beliefs were Islam
and I was like what is that you know and
I started kind of looking on the
computers of which the computer is
probably one of the worst places to look
because you're gonna learn what the
computer wants you to learn what media
is gonna want you don't know and you're
never gonna truly know the true core of
it however I didn't want to learn it
from Ali either I wanted to know for my
own sake because this was where I ran
into a t-bone is because again I can
repeat what I did in as a child which is
you just follow along because that's
what you've been told and that's what's
being shown to you or you actually
really get to do the research and you
really get to choose what you want how
you want to be and not not informed by
what somebody wants you to believe so I
really didn't talk to only a whole lot
about it I mean I did a little bit
leading up to me going to Egypt because
I wanted to be respectful like I wanted
to know like you know what are some
things that I should do you know do I
need to dress a certain way and he's
like no no you know you just wear what
you want that type of thing so when I
came back from Egypt my heart was very
different and you can ask most everybody
around me when I came back there was a
difference in me and I think it's
because I seen a side of the world that
I never knew existed
alongside with a different religion that
I never knew about and the people were
so kind
and so respectful and I would see them
you know out in the parks with their you
know with their prayer rugs and you know
when it was time to pray boom it was
time to pray you know I would hear the
azam throughout the entire city because
it was you know put out on speakers you
know taxi driver do you know when we
would get into the taxi they would have
the Quran plain you know before we would
eat you know Ali would you know say his
blessing over the food you know and it
was very the religion was all around but
it was in such a positive way and I
never and as I explained on my video
just the other day about my trip to
Egypt I never ever once came across a
man being rude the women being you know
stuck up
nothing like that like they were just so
welcoming and so kind which you can be
that without having a religion I
completely get that however you I felt
the peace while being there I actually
felt very very welcomed and I felt very
at peace and I know a lot of people
probably think yeah right yeah right
you're just saying that because you know
you don't want the heat on you for your
husband being Aslam Islamic and you know
that type of thing and I get it I do
understand that but it definitely
changed my heart that there is more out
there that I need to research and I
really need to search out and beans that
I went to Egypt I seen at first hand for
my own self
that's what strike the match for me to
start really doing my research and
really really really diving into what do
I believe in where do I go with this
belief I really want to know you know I
was told that you know you're you're
forced into a slam you're gonna be
abused you're you know it's oppress
you're gonna be a sex slave or you're
just gonna be a slave all together to
your husband you're gonna be programmed
I made a little list of things over here
and you're gonna be forced to change
everything about the way that you live
you think again programmed that's what I
was told and that's what I went into
going to Egypt that's what I went in
with my mind at because I really thought
that that's how Islam was gonna be
however I didn't believe the whole sex
slave thing but nearer there I mean it's
just I was told very negative things
which again I don't blame people for
thinking negative because well
unfortunately the media hasn't made it
to be a very sour sour sour religion I
get it I understand that and I know
there have been people that have been
hurt with somebody proclaiming to be you
know in the belief of Islam and I
understand that I get it but I can
guarantee you I haven't yet to
personally meet anybody that has shown
me anything of aggressiveness with this
religion I haven't so as I came home and
I started really doing research and
stuff Ali came home came into the u.s.
four years later you guys four years so
we're talking five years after me and
all he got together was when I finally
decided hey I really think I want to
convert to Islam and I think I really
want to step into this religion because
I really wholeheartedly accept and
believe everything that they believe in
there is not one thing that I don't
believe that they don't are there's not
one thing that they believe that I don't
believe in like everything is what I
believe and all he had no idea that I
was searching out Islam he had no I
because again like I said I didn't want
to be told or taught by somebody that I
knew I wanted to do the research I
wanted to be the one
to ask questions to an outsider that
knew nothing about me or my situation
and I would get a whole hard answer to
what I'm wanting but I wanted to make
sure that the person that I went to was
a knowledged person but also a respected
person that I knew wasn't just bluffing
me and having me convert to something
just because they're converted so the
person that I went to I really cherish
and I believe wholeheartedly that this
person was meaning well when they did
talk to me and answer questions and you
know very up and open and honest and you
know that doesn't take away from the
hours upon hours upon months upon years
that I did research prior to ever
stating I'm ready to convert those words
didn't just come easily off my lips I
did a lot of research and why I chose to
comfort was so many things but the
principles of Islam to me are all the
opposite that the media has even brought
to what Islam is I've always seen it as
a peaceful religion I have never had any
negative experiences with a slam they're
very open they're very honest they're
respectful again I've never had a
situation where someone was
disrespectful to me they've always been
very welcoming especially with me being
obese I thought that you know people
would look down on me and absolutely not
it's they're not the men are very
respectful in the sense that they don't
sit and gawk
the women and look them up and down and
you know size them out with their
clothes and stuff like I've never ever
seen even sitting around and watching
people I never have seen a man sit and
stare at a woman like they look down
they you know they keep their eyes
lowered because they want to keep the
women to feel respected and honor the
women and their you know privacy it's
very very very respectful and I've seen
that and I have been treated with that
and that's why I can personally say I
know that Islam is a very respected
religion
I choose to wear my hijab nobody has
forced me to wear my hijab I chose the
day that I converted to put my hijab on
and I have never taken my hijab off has
it been easy to change to wearing a
hijab absolutely not at the very
beginning for the first three years it
was a struggle it really was it was a
struggle because it was just like oh my
gosh I mean when the summer's came I was
used to wearing tank tops and you know
capris and having my hair up with a bun
I mean it just that's how I lived life
so to change those things because I
chose to you know I chose I I Amy I
chose to take Islam as my religion I
also chose to take the calling of what
Islam stands for and that's for women to
be modest am i perfect absolutely not
you know is I've heard people make
comments well you have tattoos how could
you have tattoos because prior to five
and a half almost well little over six
years ago actually now before I
converted
I had tattoos and tattoos can't be taken
away they can't just be erased so those
things are things that are with me for
life and so we deal with it it's a
choice that I made prior to me being you
know chosen for this religion and so I'm
not going to take everything away and
I've not been expected to take
everything away you know so yeah I do
have tattoos and I am proud of my
tattoos I embrace my tattoos because
they're something I chose for I wish I
wouldn't have gotten tattoos not because
I'm you know because I'm a Muslim now no
that has nothing to do with it
some of the tattoos that I have or one
side I kind of wish I could have taken
away now but it is what it is it's you
know it's a decision I made which was a
permanent decision and that's that you
know but I have never been forced into
something that I didn't want
to do or believe in my husband you know
I hello are you can I stay or are you
gonna fall you know my husband has been
accused of you know abuse on me and I
would have to say to that whole comment
is maybe you really don't know what
abuse is maybe you don't really know
what abuse can be my husband has never
abused me and I know abuse can go all
the way to mental abuse it doesn't have
to be just physical beatings it could be
multiple things but my husband has done
none
my husband has treated me as a queen
from the day that we met you know I have
been above him in all things
my husband is an amazing man and I give
credit to us Liam for doing that you
know I tell him all the time thank you
so much for loving me thank you so much
for treating me the way you do and he
said I do it for the sake of Allah I do
it for the sake of our religion I do
because I love you but I also do it for
the sake of Allah because I am called as
a man that chose to get married to love
his wife and cherish his wife and treat
your my wife as I treat you and I've sat
and listened to stories about his
parents marriage and it's just like one
of those love stories that you don't
want to stop reading because it's a love
story that you would just be in awe
about and unfortunately his father
passed away a few years ago but his
mother stands firm to I will never get
remarried because the man that I married
was the man I was supposed to be with
and that man is the man Allah brought to
her and he treated her with so much
respect and love and care
it's amazing to me I I see more men and
I'm not putting this in any way bad but
I've seen more men as in the Islamic
realm treat their women and when I say
treat their women I mean to say treat
their wives with such high respect that
I wouldn't want it any other way now am
i saying that there are not many out
there that do abuse their women of
course of course there are I mean I know
that there are Islamic men that have
beat their wives or mentally abuse their
wives or you know socially abuse their
wives I know that there are but I also
know that there are more good than there
are bad and it's not because of the
religion so much as it's the person that
makes that choice so therefore for me
and Olli we get looked down on because
he's a Muslim and I converted to Islam
so therefore right there it's he's
forced me to the religion which is false
he's forced me to be away from my family
which is 100% false in fact he's the one
that pressured me to try and save some
of the relationships with my family and
in reality it just slapped him back I
mean he literally got he got slapped
back on that one because he's seen
firsthand why I didn't have
relationships with very few of my family
members and where it got me and it's
definitely not gotten me in the best
places and so you know I I just want to
put out there that women are not forced
to be something that they don't want to
be in Islam we have a right we have a
choice it may be said that you know
women don't have the rights and women
are looked down on men are above women
that is apps
lutely 100% false false false false
false false women are not looked down on
women are not lower than the men I think
that that's the best thing that media
can do is make it look like that and
they do a pretty darn good job of that
but I can say in my own personal
experiences along with personal
experience outside of different families
that I've seen that are you know in the
Islamic religion that is so far from the
truth so so so far from the truth and I
just wish that more people would be more
open to seeing and learning the true
part of Islam and not what the media
puts out there because it's so sad that
even to this day I still hear people
make comments oh you know only abuses
Amy and you know I could only imagine
what goes on behind doors and it's like
I don't jump on there to defend those
things because I know the truth I know
what my husband does behind closed doors
and it surely is half of what you guys
all think you know my husband bless his
heart he is just he's an amazing husband
and I wish that more people would be
open to the reality versus what the
false stories are about what we stand
for and again like I said back when I
was younger I was brought up the way
that I wanted to you know what each
family believes so there was multiple
different philosophies of Christianity
and I don't want to say that that's how
it is with this lamb because I really
haven't heard I honest-to-god have not
heard any other philosophy or theory
other than the
that is the true philosophy in theory
that I have done my own research on that
I hear people talk about I don't hear
them put add-ins and subtract things and
do all of that I don't hear that but now
with Christianity because I have I have
seen it I have heard it I have lived it
there are multiple different
philosophies to the Christian religion
from what I was brought up I again I'm
not saying that that's for everybody
please don't take me wrong but I'm just
saying that's what I was brought up with
so therefore when I became an adult and
I had the right and the freedom to
finally do research for myself and I had
a door open to a different religion that
I didn't know even existed and I did the
religion or I did the research on the
religion I fell in love with it but it
took me multiple years to do that I
didn't just I didn't just accept the
religion because I was married to
somebody of their religion I didn't want
that choice to be made for me because
again that would just be be falling
under what my childhood was I wanted to
be responsible and say I chose this I'm
the one that wanted it I'm the one that
wants it now and I'm the one that's
gonna live it and that's that just like
what Jeremiah you know he was brought
into this he didn't know but he also had
the choice is this what you want
I didn't force him to take you know
Islam as his religion I didn't force him
to that he had a choice before me and
all he got married I still went to
church we still went to the Christian
Church because that's again that's what
I only knew so that's what I did with
Jeremiah but when I married Ollie I gave
him that choice do you want to do this
and I did my own research first and then
I let all Jeremiah make his own decision
and he chose that he wanted to also take
Islam as his religion and he has chosen
that religion and he's never looked back
and he will proudly tell you
he's a Muslim and so you know it is what
it is but I just hope that this video
kind of just kind of answers some
people's you know questions and you know
maybe there are assumptions to what they
think are their theories on my
relationship with my husband and my
relationship with my religion and all of
those things because I know that it can
be confusing at times I know it can be
but I also know that it can also be a
very beautiful thing if you go into it
with your heart and open not just your
mind but your heart and you really see
things for the truth so anyways I'm
gonna close you guys I gotta get back
out to the living room and start doing
my chores but I hope you guys take care
and I will see you guys again soon bye
bye